When Matsumoto Dreams
by Mayan
Summary: What happens when Matsumoto drinks and dreams? Crack fic, the idea just popped into my mind. Warning: Contains Kira having a seizure and Hitsugaya in a nut hugger. Read if you want to have a good laugh. Rating has gone up for selected scenes, Just
1. Hitsugaya dance!

Okay, this is a really random story. It's just a little thing of drabbles on how Matsumoto's Sake drinking causes her to have wierd dreams.

You will see how wierd they are, onto the story!

* * *

"Woo!" A shrill voice screamed. "I'm having fun in the sun!" The tenth division captain proceeded to get up on a table and dance, "Soaking up the Sun" by Sheryl Crow playing in the background. "Come Matsumoto, dance with me baby!" Hitsugaya grabbed the hand of his hesitating lieutenant. 

"Taichou, what's wrong with you?" Matsumoto asked. "You're never like this."

"You silly goose, I decided to shake it loose! Woah sweet, goose and loose rhyme! Come on Matsumoto let's bring sexy back!, come on yeah" The song changed to "Sexy back" by Justin Timberlake, and Hitsugaya started to shake his butt. "Oh yeah! Matsumoto, shake that junk in your trunk!" He yelled and spanked her booty. Hitsugaya turned up the volume and shook his small little butt even more.

"Taichou, I never knew you had such a wild side." Matsumoto smirked, embarassed from her captain's booty spanking.

Elsewhere, Kira and Renji had heard the music and decided to check up on it. They rushed over to where the music was coming from. To their surprise, they saw Hitsugaya and Matsumoto on top of a desk dancing together. Renji and Kira were shocked to see the young, uptight captain dancing on top of a desk. "Hitsugaya-taichou. . ." The two manage to mumble.

The music switched to "Smack That," "Omg, I like so love this song. Where is the pole?" Hitsugaya gained a freaky grin on his face. He ran over to a pole, and started to pole dance. Renji was laughing his ass off and Kira had a fearful expression on his face.

"Heh, Taichou, I didn't know you pole danced. . ." The red head laughed more. Hitsugaya paid no attention to his comment, and continued to shake his little trunk. Kira proceeded to fall on the floor, foaming at the mouth.

"Oy, Renji what's wrong with Kira?" Matsumoto questioned.

"He saw your captain shake his booty." Renji stated, finally calming himself from his laughing fit.

"Matsumoto!" Yelled Hitsugaya. "Come here and pole dance with me!" Matsumoto felt a slight chill go up her spine.

"Yeah Matsumoto, pole dance with your Taichou!" Renji fell down on the floor laughing, while Kira was still foaming at the mouth.

"Shut up Renji." She scolded the red haired vice captain. Matsumoto then gulped and proceeded to pole dance with her captain.

"Wooo!" Renji wolf whistled, watching Matsumoto spin around the pole. Kira, somehow managed to stop foaming at the mouth, but was now having a seizure.

Another song played, this time it was "Cyclone." Hitsugaya proceeded to sing, "She move her body like a Cyclone, she makes me want to do it all night long, going strong when the spotlights come on 'cause she moves body like a Cyclone." He continued on. Renji was down on the floor rolling around and laughing while foaming at the mouth. Kira was down on the floor while still having a seizure, he was foaming at the mouth, and his ears were bleeding from Hitsugaya's singing.

"Shiro-chan, what are you doing?" Asked a female voice. The music stopped and Hitsugaya looked to see Hinamori standing at the door to his office.

"Uh. . ." He stuttered, trying to understand what had happened to him.

"Hitsugaya, whatever you have been doing, has sent Kira into convulsions and he is foaming at the mouth." She dryly stated.

"I'm sorry Hinamori. . ." A smile formed on the tenth division captain. He ran over to the black-haired girl and took her hand. "Come girl, let's dance!" He strangely smiled. Hinamori just looked at him, she tried to get away from the scary captain. But no matter how hard she pulled, she could not get free of his grasp.

"Hitsugaya. . ." Hinamori got no response from the captain. Hitsugaya turned on the song "I like Big Butts" by Sir Mix-a lot on. He then turned to Hinamori. . .

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"No, captain! Don't do that to Hinamori!" Matsumoto yelled, tossing and turning on the couch.

Matsumoto felt something hit her on the head, she looked down to see a Tea cup on the ground. "Ow, that hurt." She rubbed the spot where the cup had hit her, the lazy lieutenant turned to see an angry captain.

"MATSUMOTO!" The angered tenth division captain looked as if he was about to explode. "GET YOUR LAZY ASS OFF THE DAMN COUCH, AND GET BACK TO WORK!" Steam was practically coming out of his head.

"CAPTAIN, I am so glad your so strict and not loose!" Matsumoto popped up off the couch, hugging her captain.

"What?" He questioned.

"Nothing. . ." She then skipped out of the office.

"Wait, what? Get back here! MATSUMOTO!" He yelled again.

Matsumoto ignored the yelling captain and continued to skip out of the tenth division headquarters. _Wow, that was really one weird dream. I need to stay away from Sake. _She thought to herself. Matsumoto then skipped off to a Sake shop.

* * *

Sorry about this all you Kira lovers. But it just kind of seemed to work its way in. 

Okay, anyway remembe to review

Until next time, may your goals in life come true!

Mayan


	2. Shirochan

Wee! 4 reviews in the less than 24 hours. That is a first for me!

Oh, and sorry for the Kira foaming at the mouth and having the seizure in teh last chapter.

**DISCLAIMER:**_ Nope, do not at all own Bleach. If I did, well let's just say things would be very different. _

Onto to the story!

* * *

"Ah! Get off of me!" A small female voice yelled. The female swung her zanpakto at a hollow, they were coming at her in every direction. "Somebody help me!"

"Hinamori, don't worry I will help you!" The blond third division vice-captain yelled. He swung his zanpakto at a few hollows. Bashing that last one with his awesome powers, he helped the girl known as Hinamori up. "Are you hurt?" He questioned.

"No I am not, that is because you helped me out Kira!" Hinamori gave a smile, and let out a small chuckle.

"Is everyone okay here?" Asked the orange-haired shinigami, she was scanning the area of dead Hollows.

"Yes Matsumoto, everyone one here is fine. Than you for the worry." Hinamori answered to the strawberry-blond shinigami. Matsumoto whipped her hair around to her back.

"Well, that's good!" She calmly replied, a grin formed on her face.

"No need to fear! Shiro-chan is here!" A voice called out and echoed in a cartoon like way. A white-haired boy appeared, floating down from the heavens. He was wearing a second skin suit, showing off his ripped abs. He had a cape that whipped around in the non existing breeze, but the best part of his outfit was the speedo he was wearing.

"Aaah!" Hinamori held her eyes in her hands, while looking at the tenth division overexposed package. There was a huge bulge where the speedo was.

"Nice speedo, taichou!" Stated Matsumoto, struggling to keep in her laughter. It was to hard though, she broke out in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. All while she was bleeding from her eyes and foaming at the mouth.

"Hitsugaya-taichou, cover up your thing while in the presence of poor Hinamori. For god's sake, put your underwear inside of your pants, not on the outside." Kira stated, anger staining each word. He put Hinamori's face in his lap, while she was crying. Hitsugaya just gave Kira a blank look.

"Why is Hinamori crying? I came to help, and save you guys." He exclaimed in a hero like way.

"Well, taichou for one we don't need any help." Matsumoto stated, still laughing at Hitsugaya's outfit. "And two, well your outfit gives more to the imagination than really needed." She laughed and pointed to his "thing."

"Hitsugaya-taichou, please take that suit off before I do something drastic." Kira stood up and rested his hand on the hilt of his zanpakto.

"I don't have to take it off, it is my man suit!" Hitsugaya yelled proudly, he put both of his hands on his hips.

"Hitsugaya-taichou, I will ask you again, take the suit off. Or else." Kira was getting agitated.

"Or else what?" Hitsugaya asked.

"Or else this!" Kira drew his zanpakto out of his sheath and swung it down on the tenth division captain.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey miss, wake the hell up!" A man stated, he poked at the head of the tenth division vice-captain's head.

"Ugh!" She stirred.

"Wake up, it is late and were closing." The man pushed at her again.

"Ugh. . ." She stirred again and rolled over.

"Okay miss, you've gotten on my last nerve. Come on. If you won't leave willingly. Then I will have to use force. You have had way to much to drink. ." The man heaved Matsumoto's body over his shoulder. He then carried her out the door and onto the sidewalk. "Now go home and get some rest you alcoholic. You're going to need all the rest you can get, because your going to have one hell of a hang over in the mornin!"

"Ow!" Matsumoto rubbed her butt. "That hurt! I have had way to much drink. Especially to see my taichou in that speedo, and his man suit." She felt a chill go up her spine from the sight of her captain in his "man suit."

"Hey, Matsumoto what's the matter?" Came a voice. Matsumoto turned in the direction of the voice, it was Kira.

"Oh my god Kira. You murdered my taichou!" Matsumoto screamed, jumping off the sidewalk. "You're a taichou murderer!" She screamed.

"What? Matsumoto did you have another weird dream again? Because I can tell you right now, I did not murder your taichou. In fact, I just saw him down there calling your name and looking for you." The blond pointed in an anonymous direction.

"Wow, I guess it was a dream. That would explain why my taichou was in a speedo. I'm sorry for blaming you, Kira." Matsumoto smiled at Kira.

"It's okay, I get blamed for a lot of things. Wait, what? Hitsugaya in a speedo?" Kira responded.

"MATSUMOTO!" A loud voice yelled. Matsumoto looked down the road, seeing her angered captain.

"Well, I guess that is my cue, to get out of here!" Matsumoto turned the other way and shunpoed away from Kira.

"Kira." Hitsugaya stopped in front of the dazed out blond.

"Huh, oh hello Hitsugaya-taichou. What is it?" Kira questioned.

"Which way did Matsumoto go?"

"She went that way." Kira pointed in the way Matsumoto had run off.

"Thanks!" Hitsugaya waved at the blond and took off in the direction Kira had pointed out.

* * *

Wow, that was a wierd chapter, lol.

Thank you for reading, don't forget to review D

Preview for next chapter: Someone special comes to visit Matsumoto in her dreams.

Until next time, may the winds of change be upon you!

Mayan


	3. Gin in the Mood

Okay, cookies to the ones that reviewed.

This chapter is sort of funny, it sets the "plot dream" of the next chapter.

**DISCLAIMER**_:Nope, don't own Bleach. If I did, things would be well, really, really, really different._

_Okay, onto the story!_

* * *

The strawberry-blond shinigami fluttered her eyes open, she rose up off of a couch. "Where am I?" She rubbed her head, looking around she saw a bed shaped like a heart and the other heart shaped furniture pieces.

"Yo, Matsumoto." Matsumoto looked to see someone very familiar. She looked at the figure, he was wearing a plain blue shirt and denim pants.

"Gin? Is that really you?" She questioned, looking at the exiled third-division captain in disbelief.

"Yeah, it's me." He looked at her, one of his eyebrows arched up.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Gin?" Matsumoto questioned Gin again, she looked down at herself. She was wearing a small black cocktail dress that reached about five inches above her knees. A slight blushed came over her face.

"Will you have a dance with me, Matsumoto?" Gin offered his hand out to her.

"Um, sure." Matsumoto took the offered out hand. The exiled third division captain turned on some mood music, he then took Matsumoto's hand in his and reached his other hand around her waist. Matsumoto stopped his hand for a moment then let him reach around. The two shinigami danced in this position for a few more minutes.

"Would you like something to drink?" Gin offered.

"Um, sure. Do you have any Sake?" Matsumoto asked, graciously taking his offer of alcohol.

"Yeah I do." He went over to the bar in the room and pulled out a bottle of the rice wine. Grabbing two Sake cups, he poured some for the alcoholic shinigami.

"Thank you, Gin." Matsumoto proceeded to slurp the wine down without a drop to spare. "Hit me again, baby!" The strawberry-blond yelled.

"Okay." Gin poured more of the rice wine into her cup, Matsumoto slurped it down.

"Woo! Hit me again!" She yelled. Gin graciously poured more Sake into her glass again. After about a few minutes, Matsumoto was drunk.

"Woo!" Matsumoto got up on the bar table, dancing to non existent music. "Hey Gin, get up here! I feel like dancing like a maniac." She then proceeded to rip her dress off, Matsumoto spun around in the air above her.

"Wow Matsumoto, yur one crazy drunk." He laughed at his joke. Gin then jumped up on the table with Matsumoto, he put some dance music on. The song was "Don't Cha" by the Pussy Cat Dolls.

"I love this song, oh my god!" Matsumoto squealed. She then started to shake her booty. The two drunk shinigami started to "dance dirty." Gin broke the dancing, he took Matsumoto into his arms bridal style. He walked over to the heart shaped couch.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh Gin, that tickles!" Matsumoto squealed, tossing on the cold alley floor. "That feels so good, Oh Gin." The tenth division vice captain squealed again.

"Matsumoto?" A voice called out. "Where are you, dammit!" The voice called out again.

"What. . .oh crap! Taichou." Matsumoto pushed herself off the ground. "I have to get out of here before he finds me, crap, crap, crap!" She stated. 

"Matsumoto, where the hell are you?" The the tenth division captain yelled again. "MATSUMOTO! Where are you dammit." He screamed again.

"Ah!" Matsumoto screamed. She had come face to face with the twelfth division captain. "Hello, May. . .Mayuri-taichou." Fear was overtaking her body.

"Hello, Matsumoto-fukutaichou." The scary twelfth division taichou stated. "What are you doing out in the middle of the twelfth division storage alley's?" He questioned, a weird grin growing on his face. His head then proceeded to his head turn around in circles. He looked like a smiling clown on crack.

"Ah!" Matsumoto screamed really loud, attracting her captain.

"Mayuri-taichou, thank you for catching my fleeing fukutaichou." Hitsugaya gave his hungover vice-captain a, "I'm going to kill you" glare.

"Anytime, Hitsugaya-taichou." He addressed the small white-haired captain. "Goodbye then." Mayuri then proceeded to melt into a purple liquid and seep into the walls.

"Now, what am I suppose to do with you Matsumoto? Let's see, how about my paperwork for a week. No, that is way to merciful. How about two months, that will do." Hitsugaya pulled his vice-captain by the ear, "No, I know a better punishment. No Sake for a month."

"What, no you can't do that. Taichou, that's not fair!" Matsumoto whined. The tenth division captain patted himself on the back, knowing this punishment was a good punishment for his alcoholic vice-captain. It was going to be fun to see how this turned out.

* * *

Thank you for reading.

The next chapter will be a lot better than this one.

Remember to Review D

Next Chapter: What are Matsumoto's dreams like when she doesn't drink? Well, she dreams about even wierder things.

Until next time, may your lives be happy and full of love,

Mayan


	4. I WANT MY SAKE

WOOOOO! HAPPY FRIGGEN NEW YEAR PEOPLE!

Sorry, high on pepsi! lol

WEEEE! Second update today. That's a first for me!

This is dedicated to my dog for being a fat lazy dog. lol

**DISCLAIMER: **_Nope, don't own Bleach. But I am still working on it!_

_Onto the story! _

* * *

"Wee! I can float swim!" A strawberry-blond shinigami called out. "Watch me do it!" The shinigami started to swim around in mid-air.

"Matsumoto, watch what I can do!" Abarai Renji called out. The sixth division vice-captain proceeded to do a back flip in mid air. Matsumoto watched Renji enviously.

"Well, whatever Renji. My swimming is way totally better. Pfft." Matsumoto laughed at the red head , she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Quit dissing me Matsumoto, your just jealous of my awesome back flipping." Renji mimicked Matsumoto's arm crossing. "Look! Sake!" The sixth division vice-captain pointed to a bottle of Rice wine.

"What, where? Oh I see it!" Matsumoto then took off floating after the fleeing Sake bottle. "Come to momma, Sake! Come and get drunken by this drunk!" She yelled. Matsumoto continued to float after it, but how ever fast she floated the Sake floated away even faster. "Come to Matsumoto, come on Sake! Please?" She begged. The bottle then stopped, it flew right to Matsumoto crashing into her chest. "That's a good Sake bottle." She then took the cap off of it and proceeded to slurp it down.

"Woah, I feel weird. Look, more Sake." Matsumoto was surrounded by many Sake bottles, she stared each one down. "Wow, I'm in heaven!" She exclaimed, Matsumoto had drool come down from her mouth.

She took the nearest bottle and started to slurp it down. "Renji, come join me!" She had gone through about ten bottles all ready.

"Matsumoto, I never knew you were such a drunk! Jesus, take your drinking down a bit." His words of wisdom did not reach the halfway drunk female shinigami. "Whatever." The red head proceeded to follow the same action of the tenth division vice-captain. That action was to get drunk.

"Wow." Matsumoto stated, she was floating upside down hiccuping. "I am going to be really hung over in the morning." She hiccuped more.

"Ugh. . ." Was all Renji could manage to say. He was worse than Matsumoto when it came to drinking.

Matsumoto felt weird, she began to fall into an unknown abyss. She just kept falling and falling, until she hit the bottom.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What?" Matsumoto lifted her head up from her desk. She looked around, "Dammit, I'm not in Heaven, Just in the tenth division office." She slammed her hand down on the desk. "Ow, that hurt!" She squealed. Matsumoto looked around the office, she noticed something. No taichou! Which meant she could get a nap before he came back.

So, Matsumoto proceeded to go over to the couch and lay down for a nap. She had the same exact dream of where she dreamed of Sake heaven. Oh how Sake would taste so good to her right now. Without noticing his sleeping vice-captain, Hitsugaya laid on top of her.

Matsumoto adjusted to the small weight that had just laid on her. She wrapped her arms around the sleeping captain. They laid in this position for a couple of minutes before Matsumoto had realized she had to pee. It was from her dream of drinking all that Sake. Matsumoto tried to push the little bundle of captain off of her, but he wouldn't budge. _Crap, crap, crap_, she thought to herself.

Matsumoto gently raised herself and the sleeping captain up. The tenth division captain stirred, his teal eyes fluttered opened. He closed them again, Hitsugaya's eyes then flew open when he noticed he was top of his busty vice-captain. "Matsumoto?" He looked into her blue eyes. Hitsugaya then scrambled to get off of her. In the process, he managed to hit her swelling bladder.

"Good Morning, Taichou." She rhetorically stated. "Thank you for hitting my swelling bladder." There was no response from Hitsugaya. Like all other young boy's, he was embarrassed to be that close to cleavage. His face was crimson red, "What's the matter taichou? Never been on top off a woman?" Matsumoto asked the embarrassed captain.

"Um. . ." He managed to stutter, his all ready crimson cheeks grew redder. He stood there, staring at his vice-captain, who had just shunpoed to the bathroom.

"Ah!" The tenth division vice-captain was relieved to have emptied her bladder. She came out of the bathroom, she looked at her captain was still in the same spot. "Oy, captain! What's the matter?" She asked, hiding a small smile.

"Nothing dammit, now get back to work!" He snapped out of his embarrassment. Matsumoto's hidden smile disappeared, she then proceeded to walk over to her desk. She pulled out one of the drawers in her desk, inside was one of her many hidden stashes of Sake in the building. When she reached for the Rice wine, she realized there wasn't any in her hidden stash.

"Looking for this?" Asked her captain. Matsumoto looked up to her captain, there in his hand was her precious Sake.

"Your to little to hold alcohol, now give me my Sake back!" She demanded.

"No!" He screamed, a huge red vein popped out of his head. "You will regret that!" He stated, anger lacing each one of his words. Hitsugaya then proceeded to throw the bottle of Rice wine out the window.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Matsumoto screamed, she dramatically dropped down on the ground. "You're so mean, taichou."

"Heh, whatever. Now get back to work, dammit!" The tenth division captain demanded. He secretly patted himself on the back. _That will show her_, he thought to himself.

The bottle of flying alcohol hit Byakuya Kuchiki on the head. "What was that?" He questioned, he looked down at the bottle. Byakuya then took the bottle of Sake and put it into his Haori. "Nobody will ever know." The sixth division captain secretly smirked.

* * *

Happy new year to all again.

Thank you for reading and don't forget to review!

The next chapter will be up in the next couple of days.

Until Next Time, may your New Year's Resolution come true!

Mayan


	5. Horny Taichou's

Happy New Year everybody. Hope you have had a good year, and I hope this one will be much better.

On other matters, thank you to all my reviewers, I love you all! You make me happy.

**DISCLAIMER:**_ Nope, don't own Bleach. But I do own my own bottle of Clorox Bleach._

_Anyway, this chapter is a bit weird._

_Also, I am sorry it took so long to get up. I had some late inspiration._

_Onto the story._

* * *

"Taichou!" The tenth division vice-captain called out. "There is a taichou's meeting and fuckutaichou's meeting taking place in the next thirty minutes." Matsumoto called again to her captain.

"Thank you Matsumoto. How are you holding up without your alcohol? Hitsugaya questioned.

"Oh, just fine taichou." A fake smile formed on her face.

"Good." Hitsugaya looked at his vice-captain, he knew that she was faking her happiness. Inside she was having withdrawals, Hitsugaya inwardly smirked. "Come Matsumoto, we must depart now."

Hitsugaya announced.

"Hai, Taichou!" Matsumoto lazily stood up, she seemed to have less energy since her Sake was taken away. The strawberry blond drudged over to Hitsugaya.

"Come on, you are going to make me late. Light a fire under it, dammit." His smirk grew even more. Hitsugaya then shunpoed out of the building, leaving his lazy vice-captain in the dust.

"Ugh, taichou! Stop going so fast." She held her hand up in the way Hitsugaya had shunpoed off. "Taichou!" Matsumoto jumped up and down. The lazy vice-captain soon followed after her captain.

"Jees taichou, couldn't wait for your poor fukutaichou?" She finally caught up to the white-haired captain. The smirk in Hitsugaya's face grew even bigger.

"Bye!" He said, pointing in the direction of the vice-captains meeting. "Have fun, Matsumoto!" He then took off to the captain's meeting.

"Ugh. . ." Was all Matsumoto replied. She then took off in the direction of the vice-captain's meeting.

"This captain's meeting will now be commence." The soutaichou announced, banging his cane down on the floor.

"This vice-captain's meeting is now taking place." Nanao, the eighth division vice-captain, announced.

"There is a special announcement, and order for all shinigami." The soutaichou said. " All shinigami are to start pairing up and make children. Every female shinigami must be pregnant is three months. Are there any questions?" Asked the soutaichou. Every captain in the room had their own unique expression.

"What is the reason for this mission?" Asked the inquisitive tenth division captain.

"Everybody!" Nanao yelled. " All of the shinigami are expected to pair up and start making children." Nanao stated calmly, she held her hands to her glasses. In the room, Kira was laughing his head and Renji was down on the floor, foaming at the mouth.

"What is the point of this order, Nanao-fukutaichou?" Asked the fifth division vice-captain, Hinamori.

"Well Hitsugaya-taichou, since there have been so many Hollows killing shinigami, we have been running low on shinigami." Yamamoto stated, clearing his throat he began again. "They have almost wiped out the entire academy. The next generation needs to have some skill so they won't be wiped out by the hollows." He gave the young prodigy a look.

"Oh." Is all Hitsugaya could come up with.

"Well, this is going to be one fun order. Heh." A perverted grin grew on the eleventh division captain. "Can't wait to create more of me." The grin grew into a teeth showing smile.

"Heh." Byakuya laughed at the horny eleventh division captain. Zaraki turned his head towards Unohana Retsu, who just gulped.

"Hey, Unohana-taichou." He winked at the body trembling Unohana. Mayuri looked at Unohana in the same way, which made the poor women tremble much, much more. Even Unohana agreeded that Mayuri Kurotsuchi looked like the offspring of a clown on crack. It was just that creepy smile of his that made him that look that way.

"The mating order begins now!" The soutaichou announced, banging his zanpakto down on the wooden floor. He turned around, when he did the room became a room of horny male captains. Mayuri and Kenpachi dove towards Unohana, they were stopped dead in their tracks by Ukitake Jushiro. Who had picked Unohana Retsu up bridal style and was making out with her.

"NOOOOO!" Zaraki dropped to the ground dramatically. The fourth and thirteenth division captains continued to make out. Soi Fon had walked over to Byakuya, who just gave her a blank look. The two then started to make out. Zaraki looked at the two making out couples and sighed.

"Horny ol taichou's!" Hitsugaya whispered to himself, sneaking out of the room with Kyouraku Shunsui following right behind him. Shunsui had his eyes set on his vice-captain. A wide grin grew on his face when he thought about his vice-captain in the nude.

"Does that answer your question, Hinamori?" Nanao questioned the fifth division vice-captain.

"Yes, it does." She responded. Hinamori had noticed the door to the room had opened. Hitsugaya and Shunsui came forth.

"Nanao?" Shunsui questioned, searching the room for his vice-captain. He noticed her at her podium. His perverted smile grew on him. The eighth division captain eyed his vice-captain lustfully, after looking at her for a while, he scooped her up bridal style and shunpoed away.

"Okay. . ." Matsumoto said, twirling her hair around on her thumb. She then noticed that Hisagi, Renji, and Kira were looking at her with lust filled filled eyes. "Hi, guys." She gave a fearful laugh.

"Matsumoto!" The three said in unison. She stood up and started back up. Matsumoto was quickly backed into a corner, when the three started to jump at the busty tenth division taichou. It was Hisagi that got to her first. . .

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ah!" Matsumoto screamed, panting she looked around.

"What's wrong Matsumoto?" Hitsugaya questioned. Matsumoto looked at her captain.

"AH!" She screamed again, she looked at her captain. Hitsugaya was a gnome.

"Don't worry Matsumoto, I can set you up with Travelocity for a good deal on a trip! I am here to enforce the gaurante!" Hitsugaya the gnome, announced. Matsumoto screamed again even louder.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ugh!" The strawberry-blond kicked the sheets off her futon. "What the hell?" She panted. "Oh thank god! It was all a dream." She yelled.

"Oi, Matsumoto! Keep it down!" Matsumoto heard her captain yell from his room down the hall.

"Sorry taichou!" She yelled back, she got a small mumble and then all went silent.

"I need some Sake!" Matsumoto announced. She tip-toed out of her room and into the tenth division kitchen. Looking in one of the cupboards where she had another one of her hidden stashes. In the cupboard she noticed a note. She read aloud, "Dear Matsumoto, here is a healthy tea drink for you. Sincerely yours, Hitsugaya-taichou. NOOO!" She dropped down dramatically. Matsumoto then began to weep, "I want my SAKE!" She whined.

* * *

WEEE! Horny taichou's, lol.

My mom inspired the Gnome part. lol

Anyway, don't forget to review. -

Until next time, your life be prosperous and happy in the future.

Mayan

NEXT CHAPTER: Anyway suggestions are welcome.


	6. He, she, it, whatever!

Thank you everybody that has reviewed!

This chapter is a bit confusing, it's where Matsumoto dreams that the male shinigami have become female

and the femal have become males. Its quite interesting. In the story, the she's are reffered to as he's and visa-versa

**DISCLAIMER:** _Nope, don't own Bleach. If I did, let's just say you would not want me to. _

**_Onto the story!_**

* * *

"Ugh." Matsumoto rose from her futon. She rubbed her head searching, for her head of long strawberry blond hair. "Where is it? Ah!" Matsumoto started to get into a panic, searching for her hair. She got up from her futon bed and went over to a mirror. Matsumoto stared at the mirror with fear, she had no long hair.

Instead it was replaced by a head of short brown hair. Matsumoto felt her chin, she had a mustache. The tenth division vice-captain looked down at her chest, instead of a busty chest, she had pick manly pecks.

"Oh, Matsumoto!" A shrilly, female voice called out. A chill went through her male body. "Where are you?" The female asked again. He(Matsumoto) looked to his doorway, their was his captain. Female Hitsugaya. "Matsumoto darling." She(Hitsugaya) stated.

"Oh boy." Matsumoto sighed. He looked at his captain, the once spiky hair, draped elegantly over his shoulders.

"Matsumoto darling, does this shinigami outfit make me look fat?" She asked, Matsumoto just dropped to the ground.

"Eh, no it doesn't make you look fat, taichou." Matsumoto stated, his words were dripping with sarcasm.

"Ugh! Whatever, get your ass to work!" Hitsugaya was about the age when most girls were going through severe mood swings. Matsumoto just gave his captain a look, he then shunpoed away.

"Gotta get away from here!" The vice-captain screamed. He went to the first division headquarters. "Maybe, just maybe. . ." Matsumoto's words were cut short when he saw the soutaichou in a rocking chair, knitting. "Oh my god." he then took off towards the second division.

"Wait deary, don't you want some cookies?" Asked the female soutaichou, Matsumoto just kept running away. He ran into the second division headquarters, he saw a male Soi Fon with a go tee. Then he saw Marechiyo Omaeda, she was wearing was wearing a cocktail dress that made Matsumoto puke.

"Hey, Matsumoto!" The male Soi Fon called out, " Let's have a wrestling match." Soi Fon flexed his muscles.

"Oh Soi Fon, you're so manly!" Omaeda giggled.

"Ah!" Matsumoto instantly turned around. Heading to the third division headquarters. When he reached the third division headquarters, he saw it was painted pink. He went inside to see Izuru Kira wearing a frilly pink dress, she had her hair down. "Oh my god!" She instantly took off to the fourth division, maybe they were still normal. Just maybe.

"Wait Matsumoto!" Kira squealed, she saw a spider. "You're going down spider!" Kira took her heel to the spider bug.

Matsumoto had reached the fourth division, what she saw there mentally scared her. Unohana's long braid had turned into a beard. Isane had taken his shirt off to show off his muscle, but in the process shown off his hairy back. Unohana was waxing Isane's back. "Jesus!" Matsumoto said, he took off towards the fifth division.

"Ow dude, that's my man hair!" Isane yelled. Matsumoto reached the fifth division, inside mentally scared the her him as well. A male Hinamori Momo was making out with the female Hitsugaya Toushiro. This just went beyond the many levels of wrong.

"Ah!" Matsumoto put his hands to his cheeks, taking off for the sixth division.

"Oh Hinamori!" Hitsugaya cooed.

At the sixth division, Matsumoto noticed Renji. The red headed female had her red hair down, and she had a big busty chest. "Good morning, Matsumoto!" Renji squealed like Izuru Kira, just way more diva like.

"Um, hi. . ." Matsumoto stuttered, shocked at the busty red head.

"Renji, who are you talking to?" Asked another diva like voice. Out came Byakuya from the shower. Matsumoto just looked at the busty sixth division captain, the tenth division vice-captain had noticed something going on in his pants.

"Uh. . .excuse me!" Matsumoto left the scene, he headed towards the seventh division. The vice-captain was out on a mission, which left the captain, Komamura Saijin, alone. Matsumoto found the seventh division captain. Komamrua Saijin had been turned into an ankle biter dog. Still being able to talk, she lashed out at the male tenth division vice-captain.

"What are you doing here?" He literally barked.

"Nothing!" Matsumoto yelled, he left towards the eighth division headquarters. Boy, was Matsumoto in for something he would have never expected. At the eighth division Matsumoto saw the female version of Kyouraku, which scared Matsumoto to heck.

"Hey, taichou!" Instead of the perverted eighth division captain looking at his vice-captain, it was the male vice captain, Nanao looking at the female eighth division captain.

"Look at the size of these balloons!" Kyouraku poked the balloons located on her chest.

"Ah!" Matsumoto screamed again. The tenth division captain took off towards the ninth division. "Gotta get away from those freaks!" The ninth division headquarters was very quiet. Matsumoto saw the female version of Hisagi.

"Hisagi. . .Is that really you?" Matsumoto questioned.

"Get you of here, dammit!" Hisagi threw a vase at the male Matsumoto. Matsumoto looked at the female Hisagi, she was wearing tons of black eye shadow around her eyes and tons of white foundation. Matsumoto did not even question Hisagi, so Matsumoto just took off to the eleventh division.

"I'm a pretty girl, a very pretty girl!" Zaraki Kenpachi was coming her hair, looking into a mirror. "Look how pretty I am." Matsumoto almost lost conscious after he saw this.

"I like bugs!" The once cute little Yachiru announced. " I like to collect them, then smash them!" The devious little boy laughed maliciously. Yachiru then gave a small presentation of smashing a bug.

"I really need to get out of here." Matsumoto stated.

"I'm such a pretty girl." The female Zaraki continued to comb his hair. Matsumoto rushed to the twelfth division. There, the tenth division vice-captain noticed Nemu was unchanged. Matsumoto knew this was because Nemu had been created by Mayuri. He(Matsumoto) noticed that Nemu was shivering in a corner.

"What's the matter Nemu?" Asked Matsumoto.

"Th-that!" She pointed in the way of something. Matsumoto walked over to see what it was. "No, don't! It will eat you!" She screamed. Matsumoto paid no attention to the warning.

Matsumoto put his hand on the shoulder of the thing, turning it around he screamed. "Ah!" The thing was the female version of Mayuri Kurotsuchi. She is to ugly to explain, her ugliness rivaled that of smiling clown. "Oh my god!" Matsumoto gasped.

"HELLO!" The female Mayuri screamed, all the glass in the room shattered. Matsumoto ran out of the building.

"NO! Don't leave me here!" Nemu called out, but Matsumoto kept going.

"Oh my god!" Matsumoto screamed, he took off towards his last hope. The thirteenth division, but Matsumoto had no help there. Ukitake had turned into a female to. Matsumoto took Haineko to his neck. . .

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"NOOO!" Matsumoto screamed, she lifted herself from her bed. Looking out the window she noticed it was the morning. "Wait!" The worrying tenth division vice-captain felt her head. "Wow!" She sighed, relieved that her head was still full of hair. That meant that everything was back to normal.

Matsumoto checked every division, things seemed back to normal. Well, however normal dead people are. Matsumoto when to her desk to just mess around since she never did her work. Matsumoto noticed something, it was a Sake party invitation for later in the evening. Matsumoto slightly chuckled to herself. "Heh, guess taichou never noticed." She laughed more.

Later that day, Matsumoto went to the Sake party for the much needed Alcohol. She noticed the usual mix of captains and vice-captains were there. Except for one little new dude. Matsumoto walked over to the unknown figure.

"Hello." He said.

"Hello, new I see?" She asked the hooded male.

"No, just never noticed. Matsumoto!" He stood up from his table.

"Taichou?" Matsumoto was surprised.

"I knew that invitation was there. Come on were leaving." He stated.

"But. . .but, but!" She stuttered. "At least let me have one drink!" Matsumoto exclaimed.

"NO!"

"PLEAE Taichou?" She begged, down on her knees.

"NO!" Hitsugaya took her by the ear and drug her out of the Sake shop.

"Wah!" She whined.

* * *

Yeah, sorry this chapter is a little disturbing.

In the next couple chapters, Matsumoto gets her precious alcohol back

Don't forget to review!

Until next time, may the world be kind to you.

Mayan


	7. Be happy and Explode!

Okay, sorry people I know it has been along time since I updated. (Cough. . .over twenty days. . ,cough) Its just, I have had fricken loads of homework including like three projects. Plus, I had the flu for like two weeks.

Anyway, here is as promised the next chapter of When Matsumoto dreams!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Bleach, Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, Hisagi and etc. If I did, well let's jsut say you would not want me to!

Onto the new chapter.

* * *

The strawberry blond shinigami walked to the eleventh division. She was sentenced by her captain to clean Yachiru's room, "Hello, Matsumoto-fukutaichou." The cue ball head stated sinisterly. It was usually his job to clean the pink-haired girls room, but since Matsumoto had been caught drinking she had to clean the room.

"Hello." She stated, following the Ikaku to Yachiru's room.

"Here you go." He pointed to the room. Matsumoto walked in, everything was dark and silent. Matsumoto heard something creak, she looked to where the sound had come from.

"I love you, you love me!" The giant purple dinosaur sang and wrapped his arms around Matsumoto.

"Eek!" She screamed and squealed, Matsumoto was in horror. "Get off of me!" She screamed again, pushing the dinosaur off of her.

"Come here and give Barney a the love, Matsumoto! Cause were a great big family!" The purple dinosaur stretched his arms around Matsumoto again, squeezing her until she choked. Matsumoto managed to get out of the hold of Barney. She backed up away from the dinosaur and backed into something else. She turned around to see what it was.

"Oh my god!" Matsumoto screamed again, it was Dora the Explorer.

"Ola!" Dora the explored yelled. Matsumoto scrambled to turn on the lights of the room, to reveal the Wiggles who were singing the Wiggles song. The group started to wiggle over to Matsumoto. She flicked the lights off then on, now she saw Elmo.

"Jeez, I have got to get out of here!" Matsumoto tried to run out the door, but was caught on the arm by Barney,

"Don't go, were a loving family! Don't worry and be happy!" Barney started to sing, when he hit a high his head exploded. Then Dora started to sing, her head exploded when she hit a high note. After Dora exploded, the Wiggles and Elmo exploded as well.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Matsumoto woke up screaming, her dreams were getting worse every night. The gender switch had scared her to death, probably even destroyed her mentally.

"I have to see a therapist." Matsumoto held her head. The next day she went to see a therapist, the therapist was Shunsui.

"Oh, Matsumoto-fukutaichou I did not see you come in!" He said surprised. Shunsui quickly hid the porn book he had in his hands.

"What was that?" Matsumoto question him.

"Uh. . .nothing." He said.

"Uh-huh." She crossed her hands over her chest.

"Okay, anyway. Why are you here in the first place." Shunsui asked.

"Well, I came for some therapy. I saw your ad in 'Female Shinigami's weekly."

"Oh, that ad." He snapped his fingers in remembrance, _damn she got the wrong idea that was for another type of therapy, but mayb if I ask her. . . _He thought to himself. "So, what can I help you with?" Shunsui asked, grinning his perverted grin.

"Well let's see, I keep having these weird dreams. Like the other day, I had this dream that you were a girl." Shunsui was sipping some tea and spit it out, some of the liquid landed on Matsumoto.

"Oh sorry, but me a girl. Wow, no wonder you needed help. Did I have big boobs?" He asked her.

"What?"

"Never mind. Do you know the cause of some of these dreams?"

"Well, my taichou took away my Sake. Before that, I didn't have to strange of dreams."

"I see, so your obscure dreams must be due to you not drinking sake." He nodded in agreement.

"Really, are you serious?" She got all psyched up.

"Yes, but don't worry and just be happy!"

"What?"

"I said don't worry, be happy!" He started to sing.

"Okay. . ." Matsumoto started to walk out, but was caught by the eight division captain.

"Don't worry and be happy!" He flung Matsumoto into his chair and jumped up on the desk in front of her. "Don't worry and be happy!" He continued singing, he started to dance on the desk.

"Um, Shunsui-taichou, are you feeling okay?" Matsumoto asked the dancing captain.

"I'm being happy, not worrying and being HAPPY!" He finished with a big finish, arms wide in the air. As Shunsui finished his final word of happy, his head exploded.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What?" Matsumoto jolted off the couch. "Holy crap, now I am having dreams about explonding heads!." Matsumoto noticed something, no captain. This was her last chance to see if her captain had not stolen all of her sake. She quietly tip-toed out of the office and to another room.

The room was her bathroom, where she kept all or her 'things'. There was a window in the bathroom, which she went out of. Matsumoto could not at all risk getting caught.

She ran to the tenth division training ground, to where her hidden stash was. Matsumoto opened up the door, twisting about forty locks. Finally, after about five minutes she got the door open. Inside, was a note but this wasn't one from Hitsugaya. Matsumoto read aloud the note, "Who ever this alcohol belongs to, I am sorry. I found the door and unlocked all the locks and I also took all the Sake.

Very sorry, Kuchiki Byakuya."

Matsumoto mumbled something to herself about wiping the floor with Byakuya's guts. Sighing, she drudged back to the division building. She went inside to sit down on the couch, and hopefully have a semi-pleasant dream which was more than likely not going to happen. Matsumoto walked into the office.

"Surprise!" Hitsugaya, Renji, Kira, and Hisagi yelled in unison. "Matsumoto, here open this." Hitsugaya handed her a present. Matsumoto opened the box, inside was a bottle of her favorite rice wine.

"Th-thank you taichou!" She squealed and embraced in her captain in a huge hug. Almost crushing him with her huge overexposed breasts crushing is tiny body. Matsumoto did not even wait to get a cup, she quickly just gulped down the music.

"Whose up for some poker? We'll bet clothes." Renji announced. Hitsugaya mumbled something and walked out of the office, Matsumoto, Kira and Hisagi all agreed to play.

About twenty minutes of playing, Matsumoto was hungover. And Renji, Kira, and Hisagi were laying on the ground foaming at the mouth and in the nude. It was like any other basic strip poker game, the guys were butt naked and Matsumoto was hungover.

That night Matsumoto had no weird dream, and that was because she finally gotten her precious alcohol back.

* * *

Ooo, am I going to end the story or not? You tell me. lol kidding. I think I really like what I have done.

Yeah, the Yachiru room had some inspiration. (I had to clean my room, it was very scar in there. Plus adding the children character thingies, I thought would make it more scarier.)

Anyway, you know the drill! Don't forget to update

Next Chapter??????

Bleh: 1000 Hits wee! Oh and the person who gives me the thirty review mark will recieve a special credit thingy in the next chapter.

Until Next Time, may I be able to update sooner.

Mayan (Toodles)


	8. Tea Spiking

Uhm, sorry I haven't updated it's just my grandmother died around Feb. 15. Well, actually Feb.15 was the day she died.

Sorry for any problems. Thanks to the people that read this. Since the last time I update, I have had over a thousand more hits. D

Also congratulations to yamanekobaka for being the thirteith reviewer. D

Anyway, this chapter contains loling material. But if you don't like sex-related humor, than I advise you don't read this chapter. Also, if you don't like HitsuHina, than this chapter is also not for you. Other than that, enjoy.

Also thank you to MC Defenseless for reviewing Gliding and the other peeps that reviewed Our Passion that were posted for my abscense of not updating this one.

_Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach._

Anyway, enjoy

* * *

"Taichou!"

Hitsugaya twitched.

"Taichou!"

Hitsugaya gained a headache, plus an irritation mark.

"TAICHO!" Matsumoto yelled again.

"WHAT MATSUMOTO?!" Hitsugaya, finally irritated enough by her calling, rose out of his chair and slammed his hands down on his desk.

"Hi!"

The large vein on Hitsugaya's head got even larger. "Go make me some tea, Matsumoto! Maybe that will calm the irritation you have caused me." Matsumoto sighed and left for the kitchen to make the requested tea. Hitsugaya then proceeded to rub his temples with his fingers in circular motions.

Matsumoto grabbed the tea pot and threw it on the stove. Waiting for the water to warm, she started to think of an idea to get her captain to unwind a bit. Then it hit her, like a bus to a pedestrian. She would spike her captain's tea with Sake. Matsumoto quickly went to get one of her oh so precious bottles of Sake.

A few minutes later, the water was done. She quickly mixed the alcohol and her captain's favorite ingredients into his tea and took the tea to her captain. She then quickly, almost stumbling over herself, went and sat down at her desk. Matsumoto eyed her captain impatiently. Hitsugaya just looked at her strangely. He went to reach for his tea and Matsumoto gripped her robes intensely enough to make her forehead start sweating.

Hitsugaya sipped his tea and then put it down. He started to feel funny. "Hey Matsumoto this tastes wonderful, what did you put in it?" He asked.

"Uh, just the normal you know stuff that you like."

"Oh." Hitsugaya rose to his feet and started to walk. His vision started become blurry, about three seconds went by and he collapsed. But then, he quickly got back up to dance up on his desk. He then proceeded to kick his pristine paperwork all over the place.

"Taichou!" Matsumoto exclaimed, "What are you doing?"

"Screw the paperwork, no work for a whole week!"

Matsumoto pulled a rope that was attached to the ceiling, doors on the ceiling opened and confetti fell everywhere including a sign that had written on it 'No Paperwork Week'.

"Yay! Taichou, you're the best taichou ever!" Matsumoto squished her captain between her mounds and jumped up and down. She looked at her captain who had rosy cheeks and drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. _Rangiku baby, not even a genus like taichou could come up with such a brilliant idea_, Matsumoto exclaimed in her head.

"Taichou, I'll be back!" Matsumoto skipped out the division office door and to places unknown. Most likely to a Sake bar, or somewhere involving Sake.

While skipping, she had her eyes closed and didn't notice the wall she skipped right into.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ugh! That party last night gave me a hangover." Matsumoto held her hand to her forehead, feeling the throbbing pain in her head.

"Matsumoto!" Her captain called.

"Ugh. . ." Matsumoto dismissed the pain and pushed herself off of her desk. "Yes, Taichou?" The strawberry-blonde responded in a lazy way.

"Will you make me some tea?" Hitsugaya seemed to have taken notice of his lieutenants hangover and decided for once to led it slide.

"Sure." Wait, wasn't this awkwardly like her dream. Maybe if she spiked his tea she could get the same results. Matsumoto slyly smiled to herself in the way Gin did. The lazy fuku-taichou decided to spike her captains tea.

She made the tea with the alcohol mixed with it and took it to her captain.

"Oi, thanks Rangiku." The white-haired captain exclaimed.

"Ugh, no problem taichou." Matsumoto replied back to him. She watched as her captain smelt in the steam as a muscle relaxer and began to sip it. He put it down and went to work on his current paperwork. Quickly again, he took a swig of the spiked Green Tea and slammed the glass down on his desk.

"Taichou?" Matsumoto questioned.

Hitsugaya cheeks began to turn rosy red and his face gained a stoned look. "Matsumoto, you have big boobs!" He exclaimed.

"Uh-oh." Matsumoto exclaimed. _I think when he gets drunk he turns into a pervert. Crap. _"Oh, why thank you taichou. Never knew you liked them." Matsumoto replied, without even noting it, Hitsugaya had gotten very close to her and he was now feeling up on her.

"Oh, Matsumoto! Your scarf is so soft!" Matsumoto sighed, at least he wasn't groping her. Then the worst thing that could have happened, happened.

Innocent Hinamori walked through the office doors with a mountain of paper. She dumped the paper off at Hitsugaya's desk and stated, " Here Hitsugaya-kun, this is paperwork you wanted me to fill out." Hinamori sighed and wiped the sweat off of her head. "Everything you wanted is here. . .Hitsugaya, what are you doing to Rangiku-san?" Hinamori had noticed Hitsugaya groping Matsumoto's huge bossoms.

"Uh. . . Hey little Hinamori-chan." Hitsugaya then proceeded to walk over to Hinamori and looked her dead in the eye. Hitsugaya could not stand still and was swaying back and forth. "Hinamori, I wanna put mah key in your ignition and turn you on and take you for a ride!" Hinamori's cheeks turned forty different shades ranging from pink to dark red. "Vroom, vroom!" He winked at her and put his hands up in the air and pretended like he was accelerating a motorcycle.

". . ." Was Hinamori's response, she was left speechless by Hitsugaya's comment. "Rangiku-san, what's wrong with Hitsugaya-kun?"

"I spiked his tea."

"You did WHAT?!" Hinamori exclaimed.

"Well, I had a dream and thought that if I spiked his tea with Sake he would give me the week off like he did in my dream." Hinamori just gave her a strange look. "Instead, as you can see, he has turned into a pervert."

"Hey baby, I wanna put mah Mocha in your Latte!" Hitsugaya winked at Hinamori while making clucking noises.

"Oh, poor Shiro-chan!" Hinamori exclaimed. She reached for Hitsugaya and kissed him. The drunk captain was a bit shocked by the lip lock.

"Uh, my head! What happened?" Hitsugaya questioned, finally coming out of his drunken state.

"I spiked your tea." Matsumoto stated while raising her hand.

"What?"

"Rangiku-san spiked your tea, Hitsugaya-kun." Hinamori exclaimed.

"Thanks a lot, Hinamori-chan." Matsumoto set a glare to the fifth division captain.

"YOU DID WHAT!" Hitsugaya yelled. He had yelled loud enough that the whole entirety of Soul Society heard him.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Ope, Hitsugaya-taichou is yelling at Matsumoto again!" Hisagi said to Renji.

"Pfft, she probably did something like spill ink on his haori or get the ink on his paperwork." Renji said. Hisagi then proceeded to break into a fit of laughter.


	9. ATTTENTION! CONTEST ALERT

Ello!

Sure has been awhile since I updated, heh uhm sorry about that.

Anyway, the next chapter will be the last.

Since it is the last I wanted to do something special for my fans.

I wanted to hold a little contest for the idea of the next chapter, since I have hit a brick wall of laziness and alot of writer's block. lolz

please drop a review for your idea and I will pick the best idea. The person's idea will be the chapter, and even maybe be able to co-author the final chapter of When Matsumoto Dreams.

Or, u can vote for one of these:

Cattle Branding

Emo Hitsugaya

Really peppy Yamamoto

Drop an idea or vote for one of these.

May the best idea win and don't forget to vote of drop an idea.

Either review them or PM me!

Byes!


	10. Feel Sorry For Me, I Fail As a Writer

Author's Note:(Very Important, Please Read)

Okay, so as all readers know, this story has been on a six month long hiatus- actually you could just call it sheer laziness. It seems that I became obsessed with other thing and yeah. I know that I said that I would post the final chapter over the summer, but I totally lied. Um so yeah,. This chapter is a collaboration of crack and some of the ideas of the reviewers. So if you see your idea, feel special cause I used it.

Anyway, the next chapter(more than likely the final one) of When Matsumoto Dreams will be up sometime in the next couple of weeks. (Although, you all should know not to trust the words that I type, I'm such a lazy writer) So yeah, this chapter is a feel sorry for me chapter, hence the name.

Enjoy~

**Disclaimer: I claim no rights to the show Bleach. All characters used in this story are property of their respective owner. All ideas are also property of their respective owners. No profit it made off of writing my not-so-humorous stories.**

**Title: When Matsumoto Dreams**

**Chapter Title: Feel Sorry For Me, I Fail As a Writer  
**

**Pairings: Actually in this chapter, there are slight hints of YachiruHitsugaya-if you squint really hard and put on magnifying glasses.  
**

**Crack: Lots**

**(Also, if you see any typos or spelling mistakes, please excuse them as I am kinda typing this in the car riding down a freeway at ninety-miles an hour with my road-raged mother)  
**

* * *

It was a beautiful and calm day in the world of soul society. A day that seemed like one in a billion. As every other day besides this serene day seemed to consist of some kind of pandemonium. Pandemonium of the crazy and eccentric type. Any sane person that stayed one day in the seireitei would, by the end of the day, come out insane.

Even the uptight Hitsugaya, which is an understatement, was relaxed. He sat at his mahogany desk, reading a calming book and drinking his soothing green tea. On his exterior, the tenth division captain may have seemed to be calm, but in his interior, the eerie calm gave him an unnerving feeling.

_Just why was it so calm today?_

This and many other questions ran around in his wild and restless mind. Hitsugaya looked to the left of the room and panned to the right of the room. There was just something about this day that freaked him out. It was never calm in the seireitei, something was going to happen. The eerie calm gave the uptight teen a foreboding sense of events predetermined.

Well, maybe it was just a calm day. Hitsugaya sighed, trying to control his nervousness, and looked back down at his book. He read a couple of pages until he heard a loud thump on the roof.

_What was that loud thump? _He thought. The tenth division captain put his book down and walked to the front door and then outside.

When he reached the outside, he looked up to his roof and there was nothing there. And then he heard a small mewl. Looking from the roof to behind him, he saw a small calico kitten. Even he could not resist that small little face. Oh so adorable the little fuzz ball was. Hitsugaya reached down and scratched the little kitten behind it ears. In return, the kitten began to purr. The cold and ruthless demeanor of the uptight tenth division captain melted away and Hitsugaya Toushiro did something he would never do in front of anybody, not even his closest friends.

He smiled. The kitten had gotten to him, with its adorable face and whiskers to its fuzzy calico fur.

But that moment didn't last for long as something hit him in the back of the head.

"What the. . ." Hitsugaya was shocked, another small kitten was behind him. But before he could think or react, something hit him again on his large cranium.

"All right, whose throwing crap at me?" There was no response, instead he heard a small bark. Toushiro turned around to see the calico kitten that had made him smile and a puppy. Just what in the hell was going on?

What the child prodigee had failed to notice was that it had gotten cloudy since he had come outside. The next couple of events had completely eluded him as cats and dogs began to fall from the sky. The term "it's raining cats and dogs" was not a metaphor anymore, it was a full on literal term at this point in time.

Hitsugaya kept was getting nailed by barking dogs and mewling cats. What in the hell was going on? The white-haired youth scrambled to get to his office, in the process tripping over 9000 dogs and cats. He gained himself a headache and a bunch of scratches.

Finally, after tripping over all the cats and dogs, he made it into his office. It did not help his headache though, as he could here the barking and meowing of the cats and dogs. And also, the annoying onomatopoeia was egging on his painful headache. Such an annoying cadence.

_Thump, thump, thump, thump._

Could this day get any worse?

Damn, Hitsugaya needed to stop asking himself these questions because just as he turned around, his question was answered.

It was Matsumoto, dressed as the ugly purple dinosaur-Barney.

"Hi Taichou!" Came the voice of the tenth division vice-captain in a sing-song tone.

"Wha. . .why?" Barney was his enemy. The purple thing had tried to eat Hitsugaya, of course in reality Barney was only trying to give the child Hitsugaya a nice hug.

"What Taichou? I'm dressed up as Barney because of the LilKidCon. They hired me, I needed to get the money from somewhere for my Sake. They also hired Renji and Hisagi. Although, Hisagi's costume looks kinda like something out of one of his porn books."

And, as if on cue, Renji and Hisagi came walking out dressed like children's cartoon characters. Renji in a Diego the Ditch Digger, ahem I mean, just Diego from Go! Diego Go! And Hisagi was dressed in some bondage like outfit of one of The Wiggles. He seemed to wiggle his way into the room when he entered. Wait, Wiggle? Was he gay or something. (No offense to the people out there that actually like the crappy children shows on television)

Hitsugaya passed out from the headache and shock of the adult gone child shinigami standing in front of him. Matsumoto, Renji, and Hisagi and looked and each other and shrugged. The trio then skipped gaily off to the LilKidCon.

After about a quarter of an hour later, Hitsugaya awoke. The onomatopoeia from before was gone and so was the raging migraine he had. That was a moment he treasured because three seconds later Orihime came bursting through one of his office walls, screaming bloody murder.

"Rukia has eggs!" Oh great, Rukia was egging all of seireitei. Wait, what the hell?

And suddenly, another gaping hole was made. Rukia came in dressed up as an egg. She crossed her arms over her chest in the Don Kanoji fashion, "Bwahahaha! Watch out or you'll get egg-zilladed by my epic egging skills! There's no eggxit to your demise. Bwahahaha- my epic egging over you will be eggtastic! Bwahaha!" Several egg related puns later, Hitsugaya's raging headache came back as well as bulging veins of irritation.

"What the hell is wrong with you two!" Smoke poured out of his nose. The two woman seemed to not pay attention to him as they began to have an egging war. Rukia came out with an epic egging win over Orihime. It seemed like hours that egg war went on.

"Taichou, I'm back from the LilKidCon." Matsumoto swiftly dodged an incoming egg thrown from a giggling Rukia. "What's going on in here?"

"I need a therapist." Hitsugaya was curled up in a fetal position, rocking back and forth like some kind of emo child. Matsumoto walked over to her captain and sighed. It seemed Rukia had escaped the LilKidCon dressed up as an egg. Matsumoto had told Byakuya to make sure he kept her on a leash and away from the candy. Rukia+Candy+Egg Costume+Eggs= Eggtastic, sugar high, fun. And that type of fun scared the living life out of Hitsugaya.

"You know you don't need a therapist taichou. They rape you." Her words didn't reach the captain. Matsumoto seemed to be referring to the fact that if you separate therapist between the e and r, it comes out as _The Rapist_. The connotation of those two words explains so much. That's why Matsumoto had never like therapists, even the name of their profession explained what they did to people's minds.

Her words had meant nothing to the emo captain as he got up and headed for his room. "All right you two, get out of my office!" Screamed Matsumoto, she seemed pissed that Orihime and Rukia had made her captain go emo. "And Rukia, you better get out or I'll chain you up and call Byakuya-taichou and have him come and get you." Rukia seemed to come to her senses at the mention of her step-brother.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The next day, Matsumoto awoke to see something that really didn't surprise her. Hitsugaya was dressed up as a emo kid. He had tight, skinny jeans on and a My Chemical Romance fan shirt on. He found the stash of stuff Matsumoto had bought in the real world. And it seemed he knew what to do with it. The tenth division captain also had heavy, black eye liner on his eyes.

"Taichou, you look like the off-spring of a goth and an emo gone bad. Why the emo get up?" Hitsugaya paid no attention to her comment.

"Don't talk to me. I'm going to go do emo things, like listen to My Chemical Romance and blog about how much the world hates me." Hitsugaya walked off to go do said emo things.

"But Taichou."

"I'm gonna do emo things!" Hitsugaya yelled back, and with that he shunpoed off to go do things. Matsumoto sighed, she was going to have to do something about this or else she would have to do paperwork. And she didn't like that. If the captain wasn't there to do it, then the vice-captain would have to step up and do it.

"Matsumoto." The strawberry blond vice captain piped up at the sound of her name being called.

"Taichou, I thought you were gonna go do emo kid things. What happened?"

"Uh, I can't find any My Chemical Romance albums. You got any?"

"Fine, here. Now go do emo things." Matsumoto handed her captain said album. The young boy trudged off to do what he originally going to do.

Matsumoto sighed, a heaping chug of alcohol was going to be necessary after she finished dealing with the gone emo captain. Emo, a stage that the kids seemed to be going through. What was the rage, was skinny jeans and cutting yourself really that popular. Confident on what she going to do the shinigami walked off to her desk, searching for the stash of Sake she had. Matsumoto retrieved the rice wine out of the desk and opened. Not bothering with a glass, she grabbed a straw she kept in one of the drawers of the Cherry-Wood desk. Matsumoto stuck the straw and began to sip. About half way through the alcohol she heard a loud bang and urk.

Quickly the shinigami rushed off to the cause of the noise. When she arrived she saw that her captain had smashed some kind of electric guitar on the ground. Matsumoto then scanned the room, she saw the guitar he had smashed and a pair of drums. And sitting at the drums was the pink-haired Yachiru. Except her hair wasn't that pink anymore, it was black. It seemed every kid in the seireitei was going emo or something.

"Taichou, why did you smash that against the ground?" The emo Hitsugaya just looked up at her and grunted.

"'Cause he was rockin' to hard and got deep into the moment. It's an emo, punk, rock thing." Yachiru answered for Hitsugaya.

"Interesting. So Yachiru, why are you here and not with your taichou.?You always seemed to be his shoulder pet."

"Well, Kenpachi-taichou-" She began, and then she was interjected by Matsumoto.

"Kenpachi-taichou? I though you nicknamed him Ken-chan? What, has becoming emo changed you're mannerisms?"

"Why yes, yes it has." She bluntly answered. "Taichou seemed to have some sort of personality change. He left, and said he was gonna go catch bunnies or something. And he's done some weird stuff to the headquarters. Kenpachi-taichou decorated it with feng shui stuff."

"Oh um that's quite interesting." It seemed to Matsumoto that the whole entirety of Seireitei was going crazy. What was next, a peppy Yammamoto?

"Eeep!" Came a screech. _What the hell was that? _Matsumoto asked herself mentally. And through the wall came a pink clad soutaichou, screaming at the top of his lungs like some peppy female. "Bug." He screeched. And there following him was a giant bug about the size of a dog. Matsumoto sighed, what else could happen? It seemed that the serene time that had been earlier in the day was gone. Replaced by a plethora of chaos and pandemonium. Something that most anyone was akin to in Soul Society.

Such crazy times it was, such crazy dreams. "What is next?" She asked anything that could here it.

"This." Came the grotesque voice of Mayuri Kurosutchi. Matsumoto turned around, and watched as Mayuri's head turned around. Matsumoto screamed bloody murder.

"Aah!" And with that screech, she passed out from her wild dream.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Matsumoto woke up screaming, a picture of the evil clown on crack picture burnt into her head. She really needed to stop drinking Sake after two o' clock in the afternoon. Maybe it was just that simple. If it was a dream, than that meant that everything was all good.


End file.
